Such are the ugly-sweater skirmishes of “Red One,” a big-budget take on a supersized Christmas movie. Countless movies before have struggled with who Santa is. Does he really exist? But the “Red One” is the first to answer the doubters with a superhero like St. Nick, who runs his North Pole operation like the military, who bench presses and counts carbs and who, given that That his character is played by JK Simmons, he looks just like him so he can teach a kind of jazz class.

There’s plenty of time to consider who really has Miraculous Santa on their wish list when “Red One” hits theaters Thursday. Directed by “Jumanji” reboot filmmaker Jake Kasdan and written by veteran “Fast & Furious” screenwriter Chris Morgan, the film was conceived by producer Hiram Garcia as the beginning of a holiday franchise for Amazon’s MGM studios — presumably to bring those Waiting for a Christmas movie to satisfy, but, you know, with more military industrial complex.

“Red One,” brightened by its other A-list star, Chris Evans, is a little self-aware of its inherent silliness. But not nearly enough. Beneath all the CGI glitter is a better, funnier movie. But overwhelmed by effects and overly detailed world building, “Red One” feels like an unwanted high-priced Christmas gift.

“I love children. “It is the big people who are killing me.”

So announced Callum Drift, Santa’s longtime security operative. He is not an elf but a member of the ELF, Enforcement Logistics and Fortification. But after years, even centuries, on the job, Callum’s faith in Christmas traditions is waning. For the first time, the naughty people outnumber the nice people. On a trip to a mall two days before Christmas, he sees adults fighting over gifts, even if not stealing them.

Callum and other workers with earpieces escort Santa to his sleigh in a fleet of Suburbans, which moves like a spaceship when pulled by reindeer. Back at the North Pole – a picture of winter in Abu Dhabi – Santa has been kidnapped. The criminals leave behind only spilled milk. The search, which takes place under the supervision of the head of a special ops group protecting mysterious creatures, quickly leads to a hacker who helped an unknown client geolocate Santa.

Jack O’Malley, a hacker for hire, is a very good father to his son, and, we are told, is a “level-four naughty-list guy.” Evans may be most famous for his Captain America, but the smarty smart-aleck is really his wheelhouse. And he gives “Red One” some comedic energy as it turns into a kind of buddy comedy with him and Johnson.

But the “Red One” keeps overdoing it. As they race to rescue Santa before Christmas Eve, the hunt brings the villainous Christmas Witch, Gryla and Krampus, who is here defined as Santa’s brother. With these characters and others, the sensation is that a lot is stuffed into an already gaudy stocking, and yet somehow one forgets to add charm.

“Red One” comes off a bit like a holiday version of “Cowboys & Aliens” – enough to make you nostalgic for leaner tales about folktales starring Johnson like “The Tooth Fairy.” But even if we had every possible brand of Christmas movie, it would seem a shame when the phrase “The North Pole has been taken!” Gerard Butler is nowhere to be seen.

“Red One,” an Amazon MGM Studios release, is rated PG-13 by the Motion Picture Association for action, some violence and language. Running time: 133 minutes. One and a half stars out of four.

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