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The music world is shocked by the news that AR Rahman has decided to divorce his wife Saira Banu after living together for almost 30 years. Although these situations are undoubtedly difficult, they remind us of the importance of facing divorce with kindness and respect.
It is a common misconception that divorce has to be filled with anger or hostility but with the right mindset, couples can even separate on good terms. He himself went through a separation after 20 years of marriage while maintaining good relations with his ex-wife. What is even more surprising is that nowadays most couples decide to separate after the age of 50 and this is called ‘grey divorce’.
The divorce landscape has changed significantly over the past decade. The phenomenon called “gray divorce” – couples separating after age 50 – is not just a trend; It is becoming a social movement that is reshaping our understanding of late-life relationships and challenging traditional notions of aging at the same time. While divorce rates have stagnated or declined among younger age groups, separation among long-term married couples has increased, leading to what we call the “relationship revolution” in later life.
Here is a list of reasons for the rise of ‘grey divorce’, shared by Dr Chandni Tugnait, MD (AM) psychiatrist, coach and healer, Founder and Director of Gateway of Healing.
● Changing social dynamics:
Evolving social norms have dramatically influenced this trend. Today’s 50+ generation is healthier, more active, and more financially independent than ever before. We often hear phrases like “I want more from life” or “We’ve evolved in different directions” during therapy sessions. Women in particular, empowered by financial independence and changing gender roles, are increasingly initiating these separations.
● Role of Technology:
Studies indicate how technology has become a wonderful catalyst. Dating apps and social media have opened up new avenues for connection, making the prospect of starting over less daunting. Clinical observations suggest that many individuals are reconnecting with old flames or finding new partners online, challenging the perception that romance is only for young people.
● Financial implications:
Economic factors always play a major role in all aspects of human life. The Baby Boomer generation has accumulated significant wealth, making divorce more economically viable. However, gray divorce often comes with complex financial challenges, especially with regard to retirement savings and property division.
● Impact on family structures:
Gray divorce creates unique family dynamics. Adult children often struggle more than younger children with their parents’ separation. Therapy sessions often feature families grappling with holiday arrangements, grandparent roles, and redistribution of family responsibilities.
● Cultural Change:
Perhaps most importantly, there has been a fundamental change in how society views marriage.
The notion of staying together “for the sake of the children” or “until death do us part” is called “life satisfaction priority”. People are increasingly asking themselves, “Is this how I want to spend my remaining years?”
● Health Care Considerations:
Health issues often influence gray divorce decisions. Long-term caregiving responsibilities, different attitudes toward aging, and health management can cause strain in relationships. I have seen couples drift apart due to differing views on retirement lifestyle choices and health priorities.
● Future Trends:
This trend shows no signs of slowing down. Based on the current scenario, we can predict a continued increase in gray divorce rates, with new support systems and services designed specifically for this demographic. The emergence of specialized divorce trainers, therapists, and support groups to cater to this group is already evident.
This growing phenomenon presents both challenges and opportunities. While gray divorce can be emotionally and financially challenging, it also represents a new kind of freedom – the freedom to reimagine life in its later chapters.